Taxonomy of a Secular Mind

A couple of friends of mine authored this. I'm posting it here on their request:

Apologist: Is not one who survived Apollo 13.
Mullah apologist: Is one who disagrees with me and asks different questions.
Intellectual: Is one who agrees with me and asks the same questions that I do.
Religion: A flogging, stoning, amputating ... movement started about 1400 years ago (reference: Pervez Hoodhbhoy's talk "Why we are not a nation and how can we become one")
Rational: Anything against religion (as defined above).
Irrational: Everything else.
Faith: Accepting irrational (defined above) as true. Axioms of science are exempted.
Science: Accepting rational (defined above) as true.
Blind faith: Faith (defined above) of mullah apologist (defined above).
Scientific: Anything I can observe (even if in imagination) or another intellectual (defined above) can, and no one else.
Respecting opinion: Accepting everything rational (defined above), and ridiculing everything else.
Taliban: Should be brutally killed.
Democracy: (Imported from double speak) Anything a secular person says. PS: Double speak implies if a secular contradicts two definitions of democracy, then both are true but only one is applicable which is rational (defined above) in course of argument at that time.