Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Take apart your Toshiba

Warning: Taking apart your laptop can kill it (permanently). I've killed an IBM Thinkpad once, I should know. I'm about to take apart my Toshiba sometime in the near future. Let's see how that goes. How do I know how to do it? The information is available at www.irisvista.com. Check it out!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

what?

This is so unfair to the pakistani spectators. In return pcb should pay every pakistani household 3 years TV license fees and electricity bills for watching games at horme on tv instead of stadium.

Good grief

What a grieving widower! Sure he'd have (loved to) embraced her.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Friday, September 19, 2008

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Choppers hunting

We were short of choppers for rescue missions after the earthquake, but hunting is a more important use of these machines.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Pet lion

Reportedly, a man in Houston, Texas, recently badly affected by hurricane Ike had a pet lion. He's taken shelter in a Baptist church with his pet and rescue workers arent going in, because they "know where he(the lion) is on the food chain."

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Back scratching

It's hot these days and I've got slight prickly heat. Others are also talking about "you scratch my back, I scratch yours."

Insane president?

Yup! Long term psychiatric problems are a big plus for the job of PoP (President of Pakistan).

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Hadith

"Agreements are not Hadith or Quran" says Asif Ali Bhutto Zardari. However, I remind him the characteristics of a munafiq.
And why is it that our Prime Minister needs an advisor on Religious Affairs? I thought he was a "Syed" himself. Oh, I guess he's one of those Syeds who are Syed for a different reason.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Pour some milk in that pond

Story credit of a certain magazine that I saw lying in the pantry in our department.
Once upon a time, long long ago, there was a king. I'm sure he had a queen and princes and princesses, too, but that's not the point. He built a pond at the center of the city and ordered his people to all come and pour a glass of milk in that pond each night. Now, there either was no electricity around at that time, or the city was on the WAPDA grid, so when you went to the pond at night, you couldnt see a thing. Anyway, the order was given. Next morning, the king ordered his interior minister to go and see the pond, and told him, "I assure you, you will see nothing but water in the pond." Sure enough, when the minister got to the pond, there was nothing but water in it. Not a drop of milk. Everyone thought someone else would pour milk in it. Everyone thought if they poured water in the pond, it wouldnt make a difference. Hell, they thought if they poured milk in the pond, it wouldnt make a difference either.
That's how we are today. We are convinced that if I do the right thing, what good will it do. It wouldnt change a thing. It wouldnt make a difference. But I say to myself before I say to you, pour some milk into that pond.

Losing ground

In kay to pairon k neechay say zameen chalee gaee. Here are some actual party principles and mnifestos.
PML-Q: Musharraf, Musharraf, Musharraf....... Oops, no more.
PPP: Shaheed Zulfiqar Ali Buhtto gave his life for ...., Shaheed Benazir Bhutto gave her life for ..... Let's change the names of airports, hospitals, roads. Hell, let's name each town in the country after her. What the hell, let's name the country Benazir. That's sure to bring prosperity to the country. If it doesnt, well, we'll find something else to rename, or perhaps some other shaheed. Who's next?

Is that true?

No Chouhdry sahib, he hasnt proven to be a true Pakistani. He has proven to be, perhaps, a true Turk. True Pakistanis never leave the seat of power willingly.

Are you kidding me?

"Ethically wrong" to continue? What the hell is that? Yeah, you better run because now there's no one to protect your wrong doings, and you're not retired from the forces.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Sign it, baby!

Sign this now!

Profit

A few days ago Shell announced dividends to its share holders that were 625% higher than last time. Can you imagine that? How much profit they are making. And that cant be "trickled down" to us? Oil prices are declining worldwide and yet we suffer and this happens.
"In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king." from the movie Minority Report.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Warning

Mark my words! With that Honda City, Toyota Corolla, Hyundai Santro, or Cultus or whatever that you bought on financing/lease, and that credit card that you've been spending off, and that trend increasing in popularity, the day is not far when this will be commonplace for us. But you will not quit, you will not heed this warning or any other.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Smart

The imposition of emergency last year was understamped by the COAS. Now, I reckon you cant challenge that in a civil court, because it wasnt an act of the PoP. Military personnel are above civilian law.

Deja Vu?

They are at it again! Unlike the last extraditee, I'm sure this one wouldnt be dumped in Saudi Arabia, for sure, if at all, that is.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Take 'em away boys

We're at it again! Who's responsible for countering smuggling? If no one is, I'm afraid we'd be sitting out on the streets soon because everything would be smuggled to Afghanistan.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Kill him!

Atta, boy! That's how nations who have some grace in them act. This is how apologetic ones behave! Almost even before someone claims anything on one of our own, we met out the death sentence to our guys. I guess that should send a strong enough message to anyone wanting to contribute anything to this nation. At least that's what the plan of "those who matter" is.

Powerful

Yes, he's right! He's probably groomed them, too. Enough Mush talk, Fazloo, shut up already.

Dont expect instant miracles

Oh, really! It's as easy for you to ask people not to expect miracles now as it was for you to promise a miracle before the elections. Hey, Mr! Guess what! We knew exactly what to expect right from the beginning.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Such ulema

Such are our uleman. Fazloo and his flock of kiss asses. If they cant figure out how important the justice system is for the survival of society based on sayings and practices of the best governments in the history of mankind, at Madina and elsewhere, frankly, their knowledge reminds of the books loaded on the donkey metaphor.

VIP culture

Yup, I'm sure he's serious about abolishing VIP culture. Wait a minute! What am I saying? The guys is the second biggest beneficiary of VIP culture in the entire world. Why second, you ask? I can bet you no nation can beat our VIP culture. We proudly uphold it. When the VIP comes to town, we lay down the lives of our critically ill on their way to the hospitals, while traffic is blocked to make way for those who are necessary for the existence and survival of my country. We power our VIPs' residences from three different grids to ensure continued power supply, while a peon in my office sacrificed his infant daughter's life of a few weeks because there was no power at the hospital when a critical operation was supposed to take place on her. Later, she developed pnuemonia and it was impossible to carry out the operation. She laid down her short life for our VIPs. But we're a mighty great nation. She's just one in millions of people who do this every day.
OK, so now that we have ascertained that our VIPs are at the top of the list, then why is this loser number two on our list of VIPs? Hmmmm, there's another one who tops this guy. Go figure! Need some hints?
1. He's the only one in the entire country who knows what is right and what is wrong.
2. He's the ally and we're the enemies.
3. He claims to have sacrificed a lot for the country.
4. He claims to have given independence to a lot of sectors in the country.
You dumbo, you still cant figure it out. What a loser you are! You better watch out because the VIP culture may be coming to an end. Hmmmm. Wait a minute! This same loser promised relief to the people, and we got a "whole lot of relief." And the "relief" will keep increasing. This is the same guy who promised restoration of judiciary and still hasnt delivered. Well, at least he's paying their bills. So, I guess you're likely to be safe. If this loser's performance is anything to guess from, I'd bet VIP culture is only going to grow.

Sweeping moves

Such sweeping moves our ruling criminals make! Pardon off all and sundry (give or take a few) under National "Resurrection" Ordinance. Convert all death sentences to life sentences. Sure, sweeping moves across the board benefits. Do you see sweeping moves in other non-criminal-benefiting areas?
1. Abolish electricity bills for people below poverty line? Nope
2. Free flour for all the poor? No, sir
They did promise scholarships and free books etc to send kids to school, but that's because the "bosses" wanted to keep the kids away from the madressahs.
I dont know whether I should blame the idiots who voted for the arrow because of the "martyr for democracy" or blame myself for not having voted for anyone. But wait, cant blame me. I'm out of the town where my vote is registered, and where my vote is registered, it's already been cast (in absentia) in wins by record margins. What a facility!

Friday, June 27, 2008

Of birds and garbage

Strict measures for housing schemes near planned new Islamabad airport. All based on possibilities of bird hits for aircraft due to garbage dumps. Shouldnt garbage management be across the board and not just around airports for the elite?

You gotta be kiddin' me

Relief for the masses? You gotta be kiddin' me! Hey, we've been promised that too many times by too many faces. We know exactly what's coming. Dont you?

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

He did it!

If you ask Shortcut Aziz about this, he'll say it was all due to the careless caretaker government.

When will you quit lying

Sure! That gives us the much needed "relief" that you had been promising. Stop lying already, you a-holes.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Hang these criminals

I feel sick and angry. My eyes are filled with tears after reading this news item and I wish I could wipe it out of my mind. Such cruel bastards, these killers. Images of that boy cant stop running through my mind, as acid is poured into his ears, mouth and other parts of his body. How can one be so cruel. And all that over the dispute of not letting an @$$hole cross over your roof to burn someone's pigeons.
And our present "democratic" government is moving forward with banishing capital punishment. Barbarians like these must be hanged to death. There's no cure for these criminals. There's the chance criminal who makes a mistake and then feels sorry for his crime, and then there are bastards like these, who do it with pleasure. There should be no mercy for them. And since you cant tell the difference between the two types, it should be the same across the board, so that society gets rid of the willfull criminal and if any one is tempted to commit a crime, he would shudder at the consequences. But as it stands, there is no justice in our society and the present regime is striving to spread injustice even further. Why wouldnt they, they are themselves founded on the basis of illegality. The sooner we get rid of them, the better, because there's no way you can block them through the parliament. And you thought, let's participate in the elections and then we'll restore the judiciary through the parliament. I hope you're disillusioned already.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Sharp shooting

Hurray! Ch Pervaiz Ilahi's traffic wardens in Lahore are human, too. I thought they said they were courteous. Maybe this particular warden was executing a courtesy to the rest of the traffic by getting rid of a bad driver. Street justice. Hmmmm. Wanna let me join you, too, brother? I get lots of such opportunities everyday. Together we can make our roads safe in no time at all.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

The victim or the victimizer

In our society, with no rule of law, you can either be the victim or the victimizer. Nothing in between. Take this incident for example. The only cause of this and so many other incidents is that there is no rule of law. There is no fear of punishment for wrongdoings in any group of the society. Those who realize this capitalize on this "freedom" and choose to be the victimizers rather than the victim. It's as simple as that. And Salman Taseer thinks justice is not the masses' problem, food, electricity etc is. My dear jackass, if there was ever any form of justice in this society, these problems wouldnt exist. The only politician who bases himself on this principle is Imran Khan.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Monday, May 12, 2008

Prince trophy

Seen the new Prince Biscuits adv on TV? The one that shows a boy lose his trophy to a flying monster. Prince arrives promptly and throws the boy a biscuit. The adv asks you to write a story telling how the boy and the Prince would reclaim the trophy. You want a story? Here's a story for you.

Eating the biscuit, the boy spots a police mobile coming up. He motions for them to stop. The boy tells them his story. The police laugh at the boy and arrest him. The Prince manages to escape on a horse. While the police hold the boy in illegal confinement, torturing him, they are hoping for his parents to come and claim him so that they can extort some money from them. The Prince calls Shahrukh Khan to intervene, who calls President Musharraf, who calls the police station, and the boy is released and sent straight to a hospital.
The Prince stays with the boy as he spends six months recuperating. Once the boy has recovered, they swear to reclaim the lost trophy and head for the hills where the monster lives.

Complete the story and send it in for a prize if you want. Me, I'll just hope that Shahrukh Khan or the Saudi President calls President Musharraf to help solve the following problems: outrageously unreal property prices, outrageously unreal property rental charges, outrageously unreal UPS prices and shortage, outrageously unreal battery prices and shortage, outrageously unreal floor prices and shortage, outrageously unreal everything else prices and shortage, justice in general, power crises, outrageously unreal school fess etc.

Friday, May 09, 2008

An important breakthrough

Finally, an important breakthrough. This will definitely help immediately solve the electric power crisis, bring down the prices of petrol, CNG, and all food items as well as miraculously remove the flour shortage.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Muhabbat-e-Rasool ka taqaza

This morning while driving to LUMS, I noticed that some @$$hole has pasted a "Muhabbat-e-Rasool ka taqaza" sticker on the rear widnshield of my car. Well, jackasses who are doing this, other people's property is not your billboard to paste posters on. Nor is causing people the trouble of scrapping off stickers from windscreens a "mohabbat-e-rasool ka taqaza."

Saturday, February 23, 2008

They find out who's responsible

Well, they've found out who's responsible for their losses. But then, again, they've always given credit for everything to him. "Iss ka credit president saab ko jata hay. (Hum to minister bun ker bhaarh jhonk rahay hain)."

300 spartans!

Just 200? In my opinion, they'll need at least 300 spartans.

Why not!

Sure, why not!

Monday, February 18, 2008

I think......

This is what he predicts. And why not! What good are the pre-stamped ballot papers, otherwise?