Saturday, August 27, 2005

What a day!

What a day! I didnt get a breather. What a start to it, as I loaded lots of stuff into my car to drop off at the University, filled the gas up on the fuel station and got to the campus, dropped the bag off in the lab, picked up the course file, a piece of chalk and went straight to class. Second year, section B. The venue of the expected toughest good bye. Before I could even start, Shehzina rushed up to me and gave me the most beautiful card I've ever seen. Such a pretty little card, hand made, just for me. I didnt read it there, but thanked her and went on to erase the green board. The card had such nice words in it. I'm going to blog all the wishes I have received till now. And it'll take a while to do that.
Again, I bored them with a bit of OOP, and then I opened the floor for any rants or questions, giving them my word that the question paper had been made, and made real easy, the sessional marks and anything else would not be affected by anything they say, and invited them to say whatever they want, personal, professional.
First off, I answered the frequently asked questions, that were asked in the other classes as well. I am very happy that our youth in second year are so confident and vocal about everything. I am happy to see them that way. I try to edge them on in this, by trying to encourage them to say whatever they feel. To correct me if I'm wrong and stuff.
So, there was this question from Shehzina as to how am I so calm? Why dont I get angry? Such a nice and innocent question. I just smiled and said, well, yea, I do get angry sometimes, but it generally doesnt last long. Perhaps the reason I dont get angry at her class is because they are the first batch that I have taught for two years, even though I only taught them in the labs last year. This leads to an affinity, and they have no idea what they mean to me. I often wish I could remove all thorns from the paths of each one of these kids, but I know that there's no practical way to do that. Nonetheless, I dont think there's anything I wouldnt do for anyone of them. They're "my" students. The ones I am truly proud of. The ones I feel so, well, fatherly, towards. The ones that I wish I would teach, and have them grow professionally, personally to strengths that I could never reach. Once again, guys and girls, you mean more to me than you could ever imagine, more than I could ever say. I wish there was a way to show it. And if ever an opportunity arrives, insha Allah, I will show it. You are more to me than any other student I have ever taught. And I love all the others very dearly, so try imagining what I feel for you.
I guess that's the "dangerous" good bye that I'm saying here, instead of the class, and the good bye in class that I thought would be the toughest was so easy. Even though letting go isnt easy, but saying good bye felt so easy with these kids. I guess when you're amongst your own people, your own family, surrounded by that enormous, invincible shield of love and respect that these kids somehow have for me, there wasnt a chance a teardrop would fall. Perhaps the fear that I would break other dams of tears if I show moisture on my face emerging from my eyes was what kept me going strong. I'm a gemini, and gemini are supposed to be good with words. Give me the right amount of motivation and I will give you the likes of the words above, and I'm sold to these kids, for all the love and respect they have given me. I just cant describe it. If I had to teach them every single course in an year, I would do it and never tire, even though I would have to learn so many strange subjects, I would do it for them.
Then, Sarfaraz asked me why I had returned from the US and I told him why. Since it had to do with my brothers' weddings, someone immediately asked me when I was getting married, and I told them it was expected in December, and told them about the arranged nature of it, too. Then Preeya asked whether they should go for masters after graduation and I gave her the (I hope) comprehensive answer.
I took a bit longer than was alotted to the lecture. If I would've stayed the whole day, we would've talked and never tired of each other, but there were things to take care of, so I reluctantly took leave and wished them all the best.
55 minutes of pure joy. They joy of giving and being loved. They joy of being exposed and probed so, well, I dont know, intimately by people that I could perhaps trust to operate on me, even though I know they are not trained to operate on people. I salute you all! I salute section A, I salute final year, I salure third year students. I salute you for being the saviours of tomorrow, the champions of the nation, the enablers of change to come, those who will do what I could not, those who will succeed where I have failed, those who will surely, rule the world. I salute you all, the great students. A salute from someone you might think to be a great teacher, but who does not consider himself to be one, for I have so many faults in me, so many ways to correct myself in, so many defects to remove, so much more to learn before I can even consider myself fit to teach people of your stature. More than anything else, I salute you for accepting one with so many faults and considering me as what you see as a good teacher. I wish I could some day look at myself in the mirror and say, there's a good teacher. Until that day, or until the air continues to enter and leave my lungs, until the day that the blood is still rushing through my arteries and veins, as long as the RAM in my grey cells is working, as long as my nerves enable to as much as twitch a finger, I promise on our admirable, wonderful, cherishable times together, that I shall not rest the desire to improve and to correct myself. With tears literally flowing from my eyes, I pray Allah bless you all. I love you more than life itself.


Sarfaraz Ahmed Soomro said...

Thnx sir for the beautiful words, i usually get to uni by 9:00AM but today i knew it was some thing special in the first period, so i showed up at time. These classes would and parties would be a memory for a life time :)

Muhammad Saqib Ilyas said...

Well, you guys and girls deserve these beautiful words and much more. I guess you might not have missed much had you arrived at 9 am, since I was boring the audience with OOD in the beginning anyway, to let others catch up with us. I'm sure they'll be a memory forever.